Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
