went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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