so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
