there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
