Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
