I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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