I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
