Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
