So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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