thus making me awesome and them whores
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
