So drunk, too bad you don't want this
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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