I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
