my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
