and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
