she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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