a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
