you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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