so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
COCAINE IS GR8
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
