I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
