his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
