At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
