Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
