Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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