someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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