I accidentally burped into my bong.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
