If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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