Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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