And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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