I wanna bring you to show and tell
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
