please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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