It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
