I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
third nipple confirmed
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
