why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
