ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
