You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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