I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
