from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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