HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
