You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
