Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
