I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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