He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
