No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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