Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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