Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
