his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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