This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
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