I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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