You're completely useless in the revolution.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
