woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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