The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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